Now is the time for divorced or separated parents to make plans for special summer time access. In the summer the usual routine of school and work gives way to vacations and the host of new activities extended daylight hours make possible. For most of the year it makes sense for the kids to spend most of their time with one parent and see the other on weekends or even just alternate weekends. But summer is the time for kids and “access” parents to really spend some quality time together. Here are a few things you should keep in mind when you are discussing summer access arrangements.

People and circumstances change. Children get older, their interests change and so do their needs. As a result, an access schedule that worked in the past may not continue to be in the best interests of the children now. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a fresh look at your summer access schedule and not just accept it because it has worked in the past.

You probably know by now that, as long as you and your ex agree, you may change the terms of access set out in a court order or separation agreement. Of course, the order or agreement would remain in force in case there is no agreement but it is not meant to tie your hands and prevent you from making new arrangements that better fits the needs and circumstances of your children as they get older. If you do make a change to the access arrangement is a good idea to write a doubt that for both you and your ex to sign it. This helps to avoid any misunderstandings.

Do not forget to seek input from the children when making your plans for summer access. It should be a priority for the children to spend extra time with the parent they see less of during the rest of the year. However, this time can be even more valuable if the children are not required to give up other activities they wish to participate in in order to spend the extra time with that parent. The older the child is the more important it is for that child to have his or her own time and engage in activities here she is looking forward to. Look for ways to become involved in the child’s activities rather than for the child to always have to fit into your activities.

Special events call for special arrangements. This has application throughout the year but there are more likely to be special events during the summer. There may be birthdays, holidays, family reunions, special trips, etc. Where both parents cannot participate in these events with the children serious consideration ought to be given to which parent is most closely connected to the activity. It would be wrong for the children to miss out on Dad’s family’s reunion just because it falls in the middle of Mom’s 3 week vacation. That is, unless Mom planned a special 3 week vacation trip making the trip and the reunion mutually exclusive. When events conflict consider which would be more fun for the kids and parent to spend together. Are there any special benefits the kids will get from one rather than the other activity? Will there be other opportunities to participate in the activity or is it a once-in-a-lifetime event?

If the access parent is going to get extra time with the children over the summer he or she should be prepared to make the most of this time together. This might mean not only making the children your priority but making sure that they see that this is what you are doing. Perhaps turning off your cell phone, spending less time with your other friends or work for computer might be a good way to send this message to your kids and let them know how important they are to you. As for the activities you engage in with your kids, the younger they are the more they will be happy just to be involved in whatever you are doing. As they get older it will be you that needs to find ways to involve yourself in their activities, even if it is just to show an interest when they get home.

The most important thing to remember is that the children are best served by parents who are flexible and willing to cooperate with each other rather than those who are confrontational and rigid. Whether or not parents had separated they still need to negotiate with each other and make compromises when planning summer activities with the children. Close relationships can be maintained best when everyone’s needs and interests are respected.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 at 4:43 pm and is filed under Divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.