To get a second chance with your ex you need to understand why they left. In many cases, it will be because your ex was no longer prepared or able to tolerate certain behaviours.

If this applies to your break up, you need to accept this. You need to identify what those behaviours were and avoid them, permanently and for real. A superficial show verbal promises that “I’ve changed” is not enough for your ex.

First of all, your ex is not going to believe you. Nobody makes significant changes very quickly, they take time. If you’re going to get your ex to thinking about making a second go of it, you’ve got to convince him or her that you really have changed for good.

You must give your ex concrete evidence showing that you’re trying your hardest to make changes in yourself and to become a better partner in your relationship. For instance, reading books, researching for help online, taking classes or even therapy. You will only be able to do this if you are actually putting forth a concerted attempt to make a difference. You’ll be happy to do this, if you’re serious about wanting your ex back.

If you just put on a show but the change doesn’t go deeper than the surface, you may get a second chance but it’s guaranteed not to last long. When your old relationship problems crop up, and you know they will, your ex will once again decide to end the relationship. They will feel tricked, betrayed and foolish. Once again, you will find yourself saying, “I want to get back together with my ex.” You had an opportunity and you wasted it.

There is a third reason, over and above getting a second chance with your ex, to make a genuine change: for your own sake. The emotions and behaviours that caused problems with your ex are likely to affect other aspects of your life too. For instance, jealousy stems from insecurity and low self-esteem which may, in a subtle way, be causing problems at work, or in relationships with friends and siblings.

By dealing with negative behaviours and emotions for your own sake you will end up with a healthier, happier and more attractive you ? someone who is far more likely to get a second chance with their ex, and get them back for keeps. Your ex will have more respect for you and your efforts than if they were simply part of a master plan to get a second chance.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 at 2:05 pm and is filed under Divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.