The lyrics of Tina Turner’s song, “Whats Love Got To Do With It” resonate in my mind as I drive into my office today. Although they say that one should leave their work at the office, in my line of work, that is easier said than done. The pain and angst of life exists, many learn to survive it, for some that are eternally stuck in the past, it culminates into eternal pain. Whether at rest, in lines at the food store or caught in traffic, thoughts of my patient’s lives tumble through my head like waves crashing upon the shore. The nuances of each and everyones personal dilemmas, ebbing and flowing with the same destructive forces of nature.

Just because I have a PHD does not mean I am not a student of life. I continuously research. Recently I came upon evidence that “head over heels attraction can be a sign of bad schema chemistry.” The author speaks of “love traps” such as issues of entitlement, abandonment, defectiveness, subjugation, self-sacrifice, both or either party being punitive. The list is unlimited as to what we as human beings of which mates can do to each other, in relation to the dynamics of personal interaction the couple demonstrate.

So if sexual and physical attraction, the desire for another for the sake of personal pleasure is not LOVE, then as ‘ the show Alfie’ so effectively states “whats it all about.?” To begin with, LOVE is a decision that one makes, hopefully incorporating, reason, logic, and executive frontal lobe processes, vs. the animal attraction of the limbic system thought processes. Real LOVE is the conscious intent, a cognitive leap of good faith, mixed with genuine care, respect, and a sprinkling of heartfelt and soulful emotion towards your respective object of desire/loved one.

That given, absolute LOVE is not isn’t just desiring this significant other in your life because you can gain personal pleasure from them, but rather, it is an intangible soul to soul love, where wanting the best for the other person comes from your heart, not from a sense of personal gain. To love one because you admire and respect the core essence of them, to love another from the perspective that you are a better person for having them in your life, these are the essentials of an authentic and lasting LOVE. And that love is a trusting love that only deepens. It doesn’t feel forced. It is one that has natural growth.

Enjoy the blissful journey. Hope I was able to offer a bit of food for thought to munch upon along the path to bliss.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 15th, 2008 at 6:47 am and is filed under Divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.