This holiday season many may find that they are without someone to enjoy the holidays with. There are many options available with lots of parties and events to engage in fun and cozy times. For those that are single or in between relationships there are many social choices to make. This brings us to the subject of expectations. As I have mentioned in previous blogs the dating process is not for the faint of heart. It is important to go into this arena with the right attitude. I have heard so many horror stories from friends, family, and acquaintances of the trials and tribulations of dating. (Especially internet dating!) In order to travel this treacherous and yet wonderful path of meeting and greeting, which can be both exciting and nerve-racking, one must enter the entire process with the right attitude.

Dating websites allow people to connect with people they never would have met dating conventionally. With such a diverse group of people on these social networking sites your never sure what your going to get. Men and women usually see things differently, a dear friend of mine has a strong stance on how dating should go. From this perceptive males point of view, too many people begin the process with expectations that lead them down the slippery hill into dating hell. He believes that if you spend more time than two phone conversations before you actually meet, that you then fall into the jaws of the false expectations pit by building up in your mind a fantasy person. Although internet photos are exchanged and some of your deepest, darkest secrets are exposed to one another, you still have no clue who you are really dealing with until you meet face to face. My male friends answer to this false expectation dilemma is that one must absolutely meet if not for anything more than a cup of coffee and a half hour of each others time by the end of the second phone conversation.

With busy work schedules for both men and women, long distance relationships have become more popular. A good friend met a guy online and after countless emails and phone calls they just had to meet each other. After all of their conversation on the phone and via email she thought he was different, but by the end of their day together he was acting cold because she would not go back to his hotel room. To his dismay, no exotic holiday cupcakes on the menu that evening. The evening will go down in history as one of her most distasteful dating experiences ever. What were the red flags for dating disaster here? In this case, both parties expectations failed. She was expecting a well-educated gentleman; he was expecting a POA (piece of ass).

Dating is an exercise to get to know new people, it is imperative that you properly portray yourself and let the other individual know your agenda for the relationship. By being upfront with the other person it starts a good foundation for a relationship that will hopefully blossom over time. As long as you know that you have truthfully posted recent and accurate photos (both parties), are within three years of your actual age posted online, and don’t have a current or ex-lover in your closet at home you should be able to enjoy this wonderful season with a date or two that wont end up in the Guinness Book of Records for worst holiday date ever.

Do you want to get your ex back after they dumped you for wronging them in some way? Maybe you cheated on them or were too controlling or you fought and argued with them all the time. At some point, they got fed up and dumped you.

Now you want to get them back. Well, there is good news. Even if you cheated on your ex, you can get them back if you wronged them, if you follow certain proven steps. And you usually dont need to wait weeks or months to make this happen.

One of the very first things to do to get your ex back starts inside you. You need to admit and own up to the fact that you did them wrong. You hurt them. You caused damage by your actions. Your actions hurt your mate to the point where they “lost” their love for you.

Why is admitting to ourselves that we wronged our mate so important? Because we naturally don’t like to take the blame for what we did. We like to project the blame for our problems onto others or stress or whatever. Sometimes we even blame our ex for making us wrong them!

The next part of the plan follows the first. Since you’ve admitted to yourself what you did, the next step is to admit it to your ex. Fess up. Say “I wronged you by…” This is important. Instead of arguing or making excuses, you tell your mate that you did them wrong.

When someone hurts us one of the first things we want to know is if they understand that they hurt us. We dont want to hear excuses and reasons and arguments. We need to know they know what they did wrong. When we understand that, we can start to forgive.

Until we know that our mate understands that cheating was wrong, or being too controlling was wrong, we arent ever going to be sure they wont repeat the bad behavior. And so we cant start to forgive. If you want your ex to forgive make sure one of the first things out of your mouth, before you ever say Im sorry, is to say I wronged you!

So instead of beginning with endless I’m sorry’s, do something more powerful first. Own up to yourself that you did them wrong, them admit it to them without excuses. This is a good way to begin to fix the damage you caused and make way for them to consider taking you back.

We start out in marriage so close and intimate. Then, over time, things can get more mechanical and stale between us. We start to drift apart and feel less loved and appreciated by our mate. Is this normal, and is there anything you can do about it if it is happening in your marriage?

Yes, it is normal in all long term relationships to experience relationship drift. It is normal for the passion to fade and for responsibilities and burdens to replace the love and pleasure you used to take in each other. It is normal, and it of course can be deadly to your marriage. The less you enjoy and play with each other, the greater the chance for divorce or an affair. What can you do?

One of the best, and thankfully, easiest cures is to begin to add back more PLAY into your marriage. Play is one of the top two keys to a great long term relationship. You used to play a lot in the beginning of your marriage. Then you got lost in the pressures of making a living and raising kids and stopped playing very much with each other. This always causes problems.

How much fun is that, to play more with your mate to stop relationship drift? It can start with just one date night a week where you do something you both enjoy. Just a little quality time having fun together can really begin to change how you both feel about each other and the marriage.

You have to make this time special with your mate. No complaining about work or the kids. Make your date a time to enjoy each other and focus on relaxing and having a good time together.

The next step to pay attention to is sex. Relationship drift happens when sex begins to get stale and less passionate. This can definitely drive one or both partners to cheat or withdraw further. Fortunately, to bring back the passion and have great sex you don’t need to try a new position every night. It is much easier than that.

One nice and simple approach to having better marital sex is to schedule time for it when you aren’t both exhausted from all your daily activities. Make time when you both feel more alive and passionate. Then focus some of that energy on pleasing your spouse in the way you know they like to be pleased. You’ll likely begin to see immediate returns!

You can quickly improve your marriage and reverse relationship drift using just these two steps alone, and there are many more. Play on purpose some more with your mate, in bed and out, and you will be doing both of you a big favor.